Spork or Foon?

Brownie Popcorn Bags - I Am No Bakerella

 
 

Just to let you know how far behind I am in posting, I made these little ditties for a friend's Oscar Party. 

Why can't I bake like Bakerella?  Here are her pictures:

 

And here are mine. 

 

Umm?  What happened?

Well, let's start with the fact that I'm impatient.  These brownies require you to carefully cut out the popcorn bag shapes (of which I could not find a popcorn bag cookie cutter, so I used one that was in the shape of a beer mug overflowing with frothy beer and just cut off the handle), spread the top of the brownie with vanilla frosting, use popsicle sticks to create the white lines and sprinkle red sprinkles on top to create the red lines. Of course, I could never get my popsicle sticks to stick well, so red sprinkles went everywhere. Plus, I rush EVERYTHING and just wanted the torture to be over.

These are rich, rich, rich, but extremely tasty. You can only have a bite or two. You may ask yourself, are these worth it just to have a bite or two?  Well, if you are Bakerella, yes they are, because then you would be totally awesome and these would look amazing.  But if you are me?  No. Because I am no Bakerella. 

If you want to be a Bakerella, check her out here. 

But if you want to try the awesomeness that are these brownies, check out her post with instructions! 

Self-Frosted Nutella Cupcakes

WOW I just wrote a whole post and then my computer died! And I have no one to blame but my computer!  Not me for not saving the post as I went along! No, my computer for telling me I had six minutes of battery left and then it DIED. Lies, Steve Jobs, you are full of lies!  You with your incessantly witty press conferences and super sleek genius bars.

Anyways.

These cupcakes are awesome. When I blogged about them way back in February of 2009, this is what I had to say:

You make some cupcake batter. You take a tablespoon of Nutella and swirl it in. You pop it in the oven.

You have the best cupcake in the history of man.

I must not have been feeling very verbose that day. Which we all know is strange for me.

But really. I love nutella. Who doesn't? Except people with nut allergies.

But what I truly love most about Nutella are the commercials that have been airing on television, touting its benefits as a breakfast food. A BREAKFAST FOOD.

Only in America can something with 90 calories and 5 grams of fat per tablespoon be counted as breakfast food. Who needs blueberries, whole grains, or dairy that can get you through the day when you can have hazelnut flavored chocolate!

But I guess if I could have something like this for breakfast every morning, I'd probably do it. Make some batter, drop in some Nutella, and swirl away with a toothpick to incorporate. Breakfast on the go!

Ok wait... I think we're on to something here. I need to contact the people at Nutella.

Self Frosted Nutella Cupcakes adapted from Smitten Kitchen and Baking Bites

Makes 24 cupcakes

4 cups plus 2 tablespoons cake flour (not self-rising)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, softened
2 cups sugar
3 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
4 large eggs, at room temperature
2 cups buttermilk, well-shaken

Preheat oven to 325°F. Line 2 cupcake trays with paper liners.

Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl. In a large mixing bowl, beat butter and sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer at medium speed until pale and fluffy, then beat in vanilla. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well and scraping down the bowl after each addition. At low speed, beat in buttermilk until just combined (mixture will look curdled). Add flour mixture in three batches, mixing until each addition is just Incorporated.

Using an ice cream scoop, fill each muffin liner with batter. They should be 3/4 full, if you’re not using a scoop. Top each cake with 1 tbsp Nutella. Swirl Nutella in with a toothpick, making sure to fold a bit of batter up over the nutella.

Bake for 20 minutes.

Remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

Makes 24.

Top Chef with Teanna - Season 7, Episode 4- Braised Short Rib wih Polenta and Citrus Gremolata

This is just a solid, solid dish from Kelly and Andrea. And excuse me from yelling from the cheap seats, because although it was a solid dish, I'm surprised that this was a winning dish on Top Chef. Because this is something I make at home on a normal night.

Ok, ok. I know I sound like a total jerk. It reminds me of when we used to watch the World Cup this past summer. For a few months, all of America pretended like they were huge soccer fans and scream at the TV when someone wouldn't score a goal.

"What's wrong with this guy?" We would shout as we adorned ourselves in garrish red, white and blue star-spangled gear and ridiculous Uncle Sam hat. "How hard is it to just kick it in the net?!  Look at how big that thing is!"

So I know. I know. I shouldn't speak poorly of this dish. Because frankly, there is nothing to speak poorly about. Tender, rich braised short rib. Creamy polenta that is always a winner in the DiMicco/Tycher household.  Crispy fried shallots. The fresh zing of gremolata. And the most delicious balsamic vinegar sauce that I could drink through a straw.

Solid dish. Like our play in the World Cup this summer. Solid. Is it enough for the wonderful din of vuvuzelas to fill my kitchen as I eat it? Maybe not, but definitely something that I will want to experience over and over again. A great, All-American, meat and potatoes dish with a twist. Like soccer. Because soccer is All-American with a twist, no?  It's like... football.  Without the pads.  Or 300 pound men. Or the hard hitting. But they do run up and down a big field! So that's the same, right? Anyone? Bueller?

Braised Beef Short Rib, Polenta, Shiitake Mushrooms & Gremolata adapted from Top Chef

4 Servings

Braised Beef Short Rib:

4 (10-oz) short ribs

2 carrots, chopped

2 ribs celery, chopped

1 onion, chopped

2 shallots, chopped

3 cloves garlic, smashed

3 Tbl tomato paste

2 cups port

2 qt veal stock

1 sprig thyme

2 bay leaves

10 peppercorns

Polenta:

2 cups chicken stock

1 ½ cups polenta

1/4 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese

Salt and white pepper, to taste

Sauce with Citrus Gremolata:

Remaining braising liquid

1 cup balsamic vinegar

Zest of 1 lemon

2 cloves garlic, chopped

¼ cup chopped parsley

Roasted Shitake Mushrooms and Pearl Onions:

1 cup pearl onions, peeled

3 cup shitake mushrooms, sliced

6 Tbl olive oil

2 Tbl butter

2 Tbl fines herbes

2 Tbl balsamic vinegar

Crispy Shallot Salad:

¼ cup whole parsley leaves

¼ cup whole tarragon leaves

¼ cup chervil pluches

¼ cup chive batons

2 shallots, thinly shaved

2 Tbl rice flour

DIRECTIONS

For the Braised Beef Short Rib:

1. Sear short ribs until deep brown. Remove from pan. Add all vegetables and brown well. Add tomato paste and fry until orange in color. Deglaze with port to au sec.

2. Put ribs and vegetable mixture into pressure cooker with veal stock, thyme, bay leaves, and peppercorns. Cook in pressure cooker for 1 hour 45 minutes.

3. Allow ribs to cool in liquid if not serving immediately.

For the Chevre Scented Polenta:

1. Bring stock to a boil  Add polenta and reduce heat to medium-low. Use whisk and whip polenta. When the polenta has soaked up the stock, taste for consistency. If still undercooked, add an additional 1/4 chicken stock or water to adjust consistency.

2. Fold in grated parmesan. Season with salt and white pepper to finish. Polenta should be creamy and fluffy and hold shape while still being soft.

For the Sauce with Citrus Gremolata:

1. Strain braising liquid (reserve about 2 cups to heat ribs) and reduce liquid by 1/3. Reduce balsamic vinegar by ½ or slightly syrupy. Add about 2 tablespoons balsamic reduction to braising liquid reduction. Season with salt to taste.

2. Chop parsley, garlic, and lemon zest together and add 2 tablespoons to sauce immediately before serving.

For the Roasted Shitake Mushrooms and Pearl Onions:

1. Toss pearl onions in 2 tablespoons olive oil and 2 tablespoons balsamic and roast covered at 400-degrees F for about 25 minutes.

2. Sauté shitakes in olive oil until tender. Finish with fines herbes, butter, and roasted pearl onions.

For the Crispy Shallot Salad:

1. Toss shallots in rice flour and fry at 350-degrees F until golden brown. Toss with herbs and a drop of olive oil.

To Assemble:

Place polenta in the center of the dish. Top with one short rib. Scatter mushroom and onion mixture around the plate. Sauce right on top of the meat. Garnish with crispy shallot-herb salad.

Top Chef with Teanna - Season 7, Episode 3 - Sesame Lamb Meatballs and Tabouli Salad

Let me preface this by saying, "I hate tabouli". Or Tabbouleh. How is it spelled?

So I was less than excited to make a dish with a base of steel cut oats and barley. Grossness.

Now, you may be calling me immature at my use of vocabulary up until this point in the post. But you also may know how I feel about soggy carbs like oatmeal.  Basically... puke city.

How's that for vocabulary.

I don't even know if historically, stone ground oats are added, but it is just unnatural in my mind.

Combined with the extreme (and I mean extreme) amounts of lemon, my mouth almost puckered into a permant fishy kissy face.It wasn't pretty.

I wasn't crazy about the tabbouleh (tabouli?), but I must say, when combined as a complete bite with the entire dish, it worked. But only because of the saving grace... the ultimate meatball.

Oh, this meatball was just wonderful.   I know it may be counterintuitive to get excited about a food like the meatball that typically has between 5-7 ingredients (for me at least - garlic, parsley, breadcrumbs, parmesan cheese, and a mix of veal, beef and pork)  that then gets amped up to have 16 - count 'em, 16 - ingredients, but wow, do each and every one of these ingredients combine to create the most interesting, amazing, addicting meatball I have ever tasted.  The complex spice from the sambal, the sesame flavor from the seeds, the lime from the cilantro, the nutty flavor of tahini... the list could go on and on. Dipped into a creamy, light and fresh cilantro yogurt, these are the perfect party food.

Sesame Lamb Meatball and Tabouli Salad adapted from Top Chef

4-6 Servings

INGREDIENTS

Sesame Lamb Kefta:

12 oz ground lamb

4 oz ground chuck (beef)

1/8 cup chopped fresh parsley

1/8 cup chopped fresh cilantro stems

2 Tbl roasted garlic oil

2 Tbl sherry vinegar

1 Tbl sambal

2 Tbl Tahini paste

1/8 cup chopped shallots

3 Tbl panko bread crumbs

½ tsp Mexican oregano

½ tsp smoked paprika

½ tsp ground cumin

1 whole egg

4 Tbl black & white sesame seeds

Salt & Sugar, to taste

Lemongrass stalks, for skewers

Barley & Oat Tabouli Salad:

2 cups barley

1 cup steel cut oats

1 cup fresh parsley, chopped

1 cup fresh dill, chopped

1 cup fresh cilantro, chopped

½ cup fresh mint, chopped

1/2 cup lemon juice

3 Tbl olive oil

3 Tbl ground cumin

½ cup diced tomato

½ cup diced cucumber

1/3 cup diced red onion

Zest of 4 lemons

Salt, Pepper, Sugar, to taste

Cilantro Yogurt:

2 cups organic plain yogurt

1 bunch fresh cilantro (with stems)

1/8 cup lemon juice

2 Tbl cumin

1 Tbl coriander

Salt, Pepper, Sugar, to taste

DIRECTIONS

For the Sesame Lamb Kefta:

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray.

Distribute all ingredients evenly. Form patties and place on the baking sheet. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until meatballs have cooked through.

For the Barley & Oat Tabouli Salad:

Cook barley and oats in generous amount of boiling water to ensure fluffiness. Drain and cool.

Toss with remaining ingredients.

For the Cilantro Yogurt:

Blend all ingredients until bright green.

Top Chef with Teanna is BACK! Season 7, Episode 2! Pork Carnitas Tacos with Pickled Red Onions and Homemade Tortillas

I'm a little late with this. I totally missed the boat on Season 7. Ed and Tiffany's questionable romance, Kenny's questionable obsession with "duo's" Angelo's questionable taste in shirts (I mean, really, what was he wearing at the reunion?). I missed it all. But it didn't stop me from cooking at home, Top Chef Style!

Where do I begin? Ah, yes. Episode 2 is a good place to start.  I would have started at Episode 1, but I am still trying to find some time to get some good sashimi grade fish to make Angelo's winning dish of Arctic Char Sashimi with Tapioca and Bacon foam.  But it was a good episode, all in all. I really was pulling for Kenny, Angelo seemed like a douche, Leah had some weird thing on her mouth (which I am hoping was an unfortunately season-long pimple) and there were some very funny characters that I would have wanted to hang out with, namely Tiffany and Brian (seriously, how funny was that segment in the reunion with Brian and his "Sexual Chocolate" voice?).  Oh, and the strange guy with the dreads was kicked off for using a store-bought puffed pastry (WHEN WILL THEY LEARN!?!). I shouldn't be mean and call him strange. I'm sure he's a very nice guy... with questionable taste in hair.

Anyway...

I decided to bang three of these winning recipes out in one day to get ahead of the game that I fell behind on, if that makes any sense.  So I started with Episode 2's winning dish by Kelly, Braised Pork Carnitas Tacos with Pickled Onions and Cilantro, made for the healthy lunchroom challenge.

Can we just take a break and talk about childhood lunchroom eating? Sit back while I regale you with stories of what I ate as a child.

We used to get pretty disgustingly creative with our school lunches. I would use my $2.00 (hey, it was the 90s. Lunch was pretty cheap back then) to buy two monster-sized chocolate chip cookies in the cafeteria.  I would dream about the slightly raw centers, not realizing in my nascent teenage mind that mass-produced raw cookies in the school cafeteria probably were a health hazard. I would savor each undercooked bite as the cookies provided me my nutrients for the day and what was sure to be at least 1,000 calories of pure butter and sugar. But I didn’t care. I loved my sweets.

If I wasn't in the mood for cookies, I would buy the square-shaped pizza (which I now realize was probably Elio's pizza) and a bag of peanuts and strategically plunge the peanuts into the doughy flesh of the pizza as the grease from the cheese oozed up and entrapped my peanut into its place.  I would then eat that pizza like it was the last pizza on earth, thinking I was a true culinary genius for my concotion. Or, if I was feeling really risque`,  I would buy the doughiest bagel imaginable, a packet of cream cheese and a bag of Doritos, and, yes, I would make a bagel, cream cheese, and Dorito sandwich.

Every. Single.  Day.

The sad thing is, that as I write this, I am totally craving any of those meals. Maybe not the raw cookies, but the peanut pizza and Dorito sandwich for sure.

Sigh.

So it was pretty admirable that the team at Bravo tried to find a gourmet solution to let kids know that "Hey, kids, you don't have to follow in the steps of Teanna. You can be healthy and enjoy your food!"

And I'm not going to lie, if I had tried Kelly's pork carnitas taco in liu of my Lunch of Death, I may have sung a different tune. Because these were GOOD. After seven hours in the oven, the pork was incredibly tender and touched with the most wonderfully smoky flavor.  .

Oh... and don't you even get me started about the homemade tortillas.  If I could take anything away from this dish, it is the homemade tortillas. I was a little nervous at first, because I dont' have a tortially press. But then, when I think about the kitchen equipment I do not have because of my smallish NYC kitchen, I think,  "Hey!  What did the old grandmothers do back in the day?!  They used two arms and a roller! Get it together!"

And so I got it together and ended up with the greatest reward ever - hand-rolled, completely addictive tortillas. The flavor was just incredible.  Sweet, with a hint of oat, and completely rewarding.

TORTILLAS!

The roasted tomato salsa was surprisingly complex and added an incredible finish that tied all of the flavors of the dish together, and the pickled red onions added a nice bit of tang that was needed for the dish.  Definitely a winning dish, I must say. More so than the squirt of peanut butter on the sad little sprig of celery.

.......

You know, I must say that after a cooking a few of these recipes (which I will write about in upcoming posts), I've got to say there haven't been any that I have been impressed with like I was with last season's Pressed Chicken with Calamari Noodles, Slow Braised Pork Belly, or, yes, even the Guacamole Meringues (which I still don't get).  But I'm hoping it only gets better from here.

Kelly's Pork Carnitas Tacos with Pickled Red Onions and Homemade Tortillas

4 Servings

Tortillas:

¾ cup oats, pulverized

1 ½ cup AP flour

¼ cup olive oil

½ cup cold water

1 Tbl salt

Pork Carnitas:

2 lbs pork butt

2 Tbl chili powder

1 Tbl garlic powder

1 Tbl onion powder

Salt & Pepper

Water

Roasted Tomato Salsa:

3 tomatoes

½ red onion

¼ cup lime juice

½ cup cilantro

Salt & Pepper

Pickled Red Onions:

1 red onion, julienned

3 cups water

1 cup lime juice

½ cup fresh cilantro leaves

DIRECTIONS

For the Tortillas:

Place dry ingredients in a stand mixer with dough hook. Add wet ingredients and knead for 5 minutes. Allow dough to rest for at least 20 minutes. Roll golf ball sized portions into a ball, and roll out the dough between two pieces of wax or parchment paper to 1/4" thickness. On a dry griddle over medium-high heat, cook tortillas until lightly brown.

For the Pork Carnitas:

Season and rub pork with spices, salt, and pepper. Put pork into a pressure cooker with enough water to cover the pork half way. Seal lid and place over medium-high heat. When steam starts, reduce to simmer and cool for 1 hour. When pork is done, pull into bite-sized pieces. Discard liquid. Pour roasted tomato salsa over pork and reserve in warm place.

For the Roasted Tomato Salsa:

Roast tomatoes and onion under broiler until charred. Combine with all remaining ingredients in a blender. Blend until smooth.

For the Pickled Red Onions:

Boil water and pour over onions. Let sit for 5 minutes. Strain. In a bowl, combine onions and lime juice and let sit overnight. Strain juice off and discard. Toss onions with cilantro leaves.

To Assemble:

Warm tortillas wrapped in a damp towel in a low oven. Place tortillas on plate. Top with pork. Garnish with picked onion salad.

WOOOOOOOO I'm back! With Coffee Pancakes!

 

Yes, I know what you're thinking. "You've said that before, Teanna". And you may be right.  

Well, you are right.

But here's the thing. I've got two months worth of blog posts that have just been sitting pretty in my little brain. I mean, not little brain, but you know what I mean.

I sit here on my couch sifting through two months of photos that have never made it to my blog.  Any of you who are friends with me on Facebook may know that my job has completely taken over my life from such status updates as: "Hey, did you know Friday is the new Monday" or my favorite 12:15 am post on (a completely different) Friday night, simply stating "WHY AM I STILL AT WORK?!?!"

Lately, I have really been missing blogging.  So I'm back!!!! For as long as the season allows! HOLLAAAAAAA!

I wondered which of my posts I wanted to come back strong with and only one came to mind: These pancakes that are a true testament to how busy my life has become.

Let me paint a little picture for you.

I arose from my bed some time back in late August. Although it is the off-season, work was as crazy as ever. It was a Saturday morning - mornings that I have learned to cherish, as I knew that I would be working many-a-weekend when the season is in full gear. And I wanted one thing and one thing only: pancakes.

I didn't have many ingredients on hand, so I just had to work with what I had. Cake flour, vanilla almond milk, eggs, butter.  I'd make it work somehow. Some way.

As I stood over my countertop mixing the ingredients, I brewed myself a cup of coffee in my handy, dandy Kuerig one-cup coffee maker. I listened to the machine whir and grind until a slow stream of liquid poured out from the spout and into my over-sized coffee mug. I grabbed my cup, ready to take a sip, until I looked at the batter that I created in front of me. And then I did something I never thought I would do.

I poured my coffee in the batter.

Not too much, mind you, but just enough. And back in my more frequent blogging days, I may have never committed such a breakfast atrocity. But you know what? I was tired. And I thought, well, may as well kill two birds with one stone. Coffee pancakes. How can you go wrong?

And oh, I did NOT go wrong. These were the BEST pancakes. Wonderfully sweet, supremely fluffy, and flavored with a hint of Donut Hole Coffee for Kuerig. 

I should do things like this more often.

Coffee Pancakes adapted from The Pioneer Woman Cooks

Ingredients

3 cups Plus 2 Tablespoons Cake Flour

½ teaspoons Salt

3 Tablespoons Baking Powder

2 Tablespoons Sugar

1 1/2 cups Vanilla Almond Milk (You can use regular milk if you'd like)

1/2 cup brewed coffee

2 whole Large Eggs

1 tbsp vanilla

4 Tablespoons Butter

Extra Butter

Maple Or Pancake Syrup

Instructions:

Mix together dry ingredients in large bowl.

Mix together milk, eggs, and vanilla in a separate bowl.

Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients, stirring very gently until just combined.

Melt butter and add it to the batter, stirring gently to combine.

Cook on a greased skillet over medium-low heat until golden brown. Serve with butter and warmed syrup