You know the term, "I'd lose my own head if it wasn't attached?" That was me making this tart.
I had such high aspirations for this tart. I was going to make two different tarts - one for me to take to work and one for Jack to take to work. I wanted to make the classic version with strawberries and blueberries and then a tropical take with a coconut rum pastry cream and kiwis, papaya, and mango. I hit up the fruit stand and $15 later, I walked away with two pints each of strawberries and blueberries, a mango, a papaya, and four kiwis.
Have I mentioned that I love NYC fruit stands?
Because I think I'm so super good at baking, I decided to double everything up at the same time. I put together two separate pots with the cornstarch, sugar, and egg yolks whisked together. In one 2-cup measuring cup, I poured in 2 cups of whole milk for the plain tart. In the other, I pour in 1 1/4 cups whole milk and 3/4 cup coconut milk for the tropical tart. Of course, I then realize I don't have a third (and a fourth) heavy bottomed saucepan to boil the milk. So what do I do? I decide to heat the milk up in the microwave.
This is where I should have known it was all going to go downhill. Strike one.
The milk didn't heat up. I remember that I had a third saucepan that I rarely use because liquids take forever to come to a boil, but I had no other option. I poured one of the glasses of milk in and turned on the burner. I didn't think anything of the fact that the milk wasn't boiling due to the non-boiling properties of said pot, until, of course, the kitchen began to smell of burnt eggs. Why did it smell like burnt eggs, you ask? Because I lit the wrong burner and cooked one of my two egg/cornstarch/sugar mixtures.
Strike two.
I cracked open 6 more eggs (leaving me with a total of 18 egg whites to make lots of my crappy, epic fail macarons with) and made more of the mixture.
Finally, I finished my two pastry creams (the second of which - the coconut rum version - I slightly overcooked because I left the heat on medium high as I thickened the pastry cream, but saved before it turned to scrambled eggs. Also, I couldn't taste any coconut or rum when it was finished - strike two and three-quarters), and began to slice my fruits.
First, I took out the kiwis. They felt slightly hard, but I convinced myself it was due to the slightly freezing temperatures in New York City today (seriously, May, what's going on?). Nope. Unripe. Mangoes? Beautifully golden and red on the outside? Unripe. Papaya? Well... I hate papaya. It always looks so delicious and juicy, but really just tastes like feet.
Finally, I baked my first tart shell to a beautiful golden brown. I put that to the side, washed out my tart pan, and pressed in the second dough.
Fifteen minutes later, I looked at the clock timer, which I never set. Great, I thought. A burnt tart dough. Strike three and three quarters. I'm so bad, I'm over-striking out.
I approximated that I put the tart in roughly 12 minutes earlier, so I set the timer for 13 more minutes. 12 minutes later, I worried about the tart that I thought was burning in the oven, so I ran to the oven door and whipped it open, apprehensive that I would be greeted by a dark brown, crumbly mess. Instead, I was greeted by... an empty oven.
I looked around, utterly confused. Did I take the tart out of the oven? I checked the kitchen counter. No tart there. I opened the oven again, thinking I missed it. Empty.
I was seriously stunned. "Jack," I yelled out. "Did you eat my tart shell?"
"What?" he asked, confused?
"Did you take my tart shell out of the oven and eat it?"
"Yes," he answered sarcastically. "Because that's what I do. Eat hot tart shells straight from the oven."
A lightbulb went off. I never put the tart in! I placed it in the freezer to firm up the dough a bit after pressing it into the pan. I laughed to myself. Typical Teanna.
So no tropical fruit tart for me. Nor was this a quick tart by any means. In fact, it took me two hours of frustration and confusion, but all for my own faults. I'm sure that this tart is very quick. And easy. But I can assure you, it's really tasty. A great summer tart to make in a pinch.
Unless you're me, of course.
Check out Cooking with Christine for the recipe and don't forget to check out the rest of TWD for more tarts!
Oh, Teanna, sounds like some days in my kitchen! Hilarious! Your tart looks gorgeous, though, so I guess it all payed off in the end ;) I still haven't tackled this one, we'll see if I can get to it by the end of the day...
Posted by: Sarah | May 11, 2010 at 08:08 AM
Oh dear, that sounds like the kind of day I have from time to time! But despite your issues, your tart looks absolutely amazing!
Posted by: nickki | May 11, 2010 at 08:37 AM
Oh, my word...all this for a simple little tart...you have to win the perseverance award this week. You would never know by looking at them...they look absolutely delicious and beautiful.
Posted by: Kayte | May 11, 2010 at 08:54 AM
Oh I have definitely had moments like that in the kitchen! At least you got one good tart. I tried to make tartlets yesterday and couldn't even got started because after 2 trips to town and wasting over an hour, I still couldn't find any tartlet pans! Some days I have to remind myself that baking is fun :)
Posted by: Theresa | May 11, 2010 at 08:55 AM
What??? You've been with me while I cook?? Amazing!!! Despite all your 'strike outs' the tart looks beautiful. Strawberries and blueberries are always a great combo.
Papaya tastes like feet!! I didn't know!1 Another good reason not to eat them.
Let us know when you make the tropical tart. Sounds WONDERFUL!!
Posted by: Margaret | May 11, 2010 at 09:33 AM
Hahaha I am laughing so hard at this post! This sounds like me on my off days! And still somehow, you managed to make something that looks beautiful! :D
Posted by: Avanika (Yumsilicious Bakes) | May 11, 2010 at 09:44 AM
Oh goodness, comedy of errors eh? Well the tart looks lovely!
Posted by: Rebecca | May 11, 2010 at 09:55 AM
Oh, boy! Sorry about your mishaps. The tropical tart did sound like a good idea. Next time. :)
~ingrid
Posted by: ingrid | May 11, 2010 at 10:00 AM
I guess all you can do is laugh! We all have those days in the kitchen, good and bad! Your tart looks so good and your fruit is placed so nicely. I kinda dumped and scattered!
Posted by: Michelle | May 11, 2010 at 10:57 AM
Hee..hee...is it wrong that I feel slightly better knowing I am not the only one with eggshells in her eggs and disasters in her kitchen. I predict by next week you will get your baking mojo back. Thanks for a great post.
Posted by: Mary | May 11, 2010 at 11:21 AM
Ha! Well the tart looks like a success! Love the berries!
Posted by: Maria | May 11, 2010 at 12:17 PM
LOL @ his response. that's too funny!
It looks AMAZING despite almost losing your head :)
Posted by: TIa | May 11, 2010 at 12:47 PM
Thanks for sharing, Teanna. My daughter is sitting here at the table with me and wanted to know why I was laughing... =) Never even putting the tart dough in the oven is totally something I would do...
Posted by: Di | May 11, 2010 at 01:58 PM
So sorry you had some difficulties, although it did make for a great post! :) Thanks for baking along with me. Your tart looks beautiful!
Posted by: Cristine | May 11, 2010 at 02:20 PM
I'm speechless, this is so amazing!
Posted by: vibi | May 11, 2010 at 03:07 PM
Holy gorgeous cake, lady! Wow. I am so impressed.
Posted by: Emily @ Cleanliness | May 11, 2010 at 03:25 PM
Hee hee! I think we must be related! The tart you actually got baked looks fantastic!!
Posted by: Mary | May 11, 2010 at 03:53 PM
Oh no!! Well at least the one tart that you managed to finish looks absolutely perfect!
Posted by: Marthe | May 11, 2010 at 04:32 PM
I'm still laughing about the papaya! Your tart looks perfect!
Posted by: Jen | May 11, 2010 at 05:38 PM
Wow...at least your tart holds up against any other tarts I've seen! Looks great!
Posted by: DailyChef | May 11, 2010 at 05:52 PM