I don't know why, but life hated me at around 4 pm on Sunday afternoon.
The day started off wonderfully. Kind of. My point and click camera died one long, horrible death due to a fall (aka, I dropped it with the lens zoomed out. Twice) about two weeks ago that has slowly killed it, so I got a new DSLR camera. I was like the kid from A Christmas Story (the one who is now a porn star) getting his BB Gun on Christmas morning. I was just shooting away at things (safely, in this situation), squealing in delight. Jack complained that I was taking too many pictures and the flash was distracting him while he tried to study. I told him about the plight of celebrities. "How do you think they feel with cameras in their faces all day?" I challenged. "Pay me $20 million dollars to work for four months out of the year and you can flash all you want." he retorted.
Touche`.
Excited to have more reasons to take photos, I jumped at the chance to make this tart. I will admit, though, before the new camera, I did not want to make it. I am dessert-ed out. The summer is coming. I have been working out like crazy, only to pull a muscle in my calf and hurt my knee, so I have not been able to work out in days. As my friends on Twitter know, this is killing me. So the last thing I want is chocolate on top of chocolate.
Well, actually it is the first thing I want, but I can't have because I can't workout.
Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? The books where you read a story and you chose the outcome? Like, you could go hiking on a river by turning to page 43 or you could hijack a pirate ship by turning to page 71 and ither way some horrible fate awaits you (who wrote these books)?
That was my life on Sunday.
Regardless, I decided to go for it. Here is my story.
Kim of Scrumptious Photography chose Dorie's Chocolate Cream Tart (click for recipe). Do you: decide not to make it because you don't want to be tempted to eat it (turn to page 2)?
Page 2: Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you decide to make it, but in order not to have a dessert, you quarter the recipe (turn to page 3).
Page 3: You quarter the recipe. The chocolate cream is delicious, but tastes just like chocolate pudding. You are confused. Do you stop while you are ahead (turn to page 4)?
Page 4: You didn't finish the recipe. Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you decide to move ahead and make the chocolate tart crust (turn to page 5)?
Page 5: Don't you know you can't quarter this recipe successfully? The tart shell never comes together. You add water and it comes out gummy and gross. Do you throw it in the garbage and just eat the pudding (turn to page 6)?
Page 6: You didn't finish the recipe. Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you forge ahead, further trying to complicate the recipe and your life (turn to page 7)?
Page 7: To try to do something different, you macerate strawberries with some alcohol and make a chocolate chantilly cream. In your first attempt at making the cream, you over-whip the cream and it coagulates and somehow half of it has the consistency of butter and half of it has somehow not whipped at all and is a milky mess. You try again with better results, but then drop the bowl of whipped cream off of the counter and onto the floor and spill it everywhere. You try again. You temper some chocolate for chocolate disks to top the dessert. You assemble the dessert and top it with the chocolate disks that are rapidly melting due to the 90+ degree weather which has been bestowed upon you in April due to global warming. You take photos as the sun is setting rapidly, knowing that this was not how you wanted it.
Do you take a bite of the dessert, hoping all of the components will work together (turn to page 8)?
Page 8: BLECH! This is horrible! The tart shell is rubbery. The chocolate cream is hidden by your awful tart shell and too much whipped cream. The chocolate disk has melted. You are a horrible baker! You should go hide in a pantry closet and never come out. The end.
Or do you throw in the towel and just throw away the dessert (page 9)?
Page 9: You are still a horrible baker. You should go hide in a pantry closet and never come out. The end.
However, the other people in this group LOVED this dessert, so don't let this discourage you (because it really is supposed to be amazing) and take your own adventure over to TWD's page and check out how it REALLY should be done.
I'll just be in my pantry closet.
So sorry about your knee! Take care.
And you have truly entered the realm of elite bakers if this is considered a failure. It looks awesome. Nobody would have known (if not for your admirable honesty). :-)
Posted by: Amy | April 28, 2009 at 04:23 PM
Love the post. I didn't know the kid from A Christmas Story is a porn star. How sad.
Too bad it didn't work out for you (or maybe it's a good thing so you wouldn't be tempted?) but at least your forged on and tried to be creative.
Posted by: pinkstripes | April 28, 2009 at 04:27 PM
HA awesome post! I laughed out loud literally.... Sorry it didn't workout.. but they sure look lovely!
Posted by: Carolyn | April 28, 2009 at 04:42 PM
LOL ... awwwwwwww ... pls come out of your pantry .. these things happen .. you are an AWESOME baker! And no one's kicking you out of any group! Shame on them if they do :p ... look on the bright side, that's one sexy new camera you've got.
Posted by: Muneeba | April 28, 2009 at 04:50 PM
When I have days like this, nothing works for me in the kitchen and all my cooking either looks like mush or something burned. These tartlets look wonderful though - great job!
Posted by: Natasha - 5 Star Foodie | April 28, 2009 at 05:33 PM
New camera=sweet! No one can tell you anything now! You can take pics of anything, including massive amounts of chocolate tarts, and it will be much fun.
Posted by: The Duo Dishes | April 28, 2009 at 07:34 PM
With a gorgeous photo like that we would have no clue that it wasn't tasty! Congratulations on your new camera. In the digital world, there is no such thing as taking too many pictures.
Posted by: carol peterman | April 28, 2009 at 08:25 PM
Looks like success to me. Funny post...lovely photos.
Posted by: Babette | April 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
Well, if nothing else, your tarts look phenomenal! Looks like you've really learned to use your camera in no time at all!
Hope your knee heels soon!
Posted by: Tracey | April 29, 2009 at 12:20 AM
Awwee, sorry!
I didn't love this either, but everyone who had some did!
Awesome about the new camera though. Forge on! I'm sure you'll kick some booty with your tiramisu!
Posted by: Katrina | April 29, 2009 at 06:20 AM
Great job!!
I loved choose your own adventure books! I liked when something really bad would happen, like you would die. Made it more worth while to keep trying to live. :)
Posted by: sabrina | April 29, 2009 at 09:31 AM
congrats on your new DSLR! Your tartlets still look very pretty, even though it didn't quite work out. :-)
Posted by: Piggy | April 29, 2009 at 05:17 PM
I loved the choose your own adventure books! Sorry to hear your tart didn't turn out as you'd hoped! It looks gorgeous though.
Posted by: Ashley | April 29, 2009 at 07:44 PM
Your tarts are so cute and professional looking. Really fabulous little babies. I did not know that Ralphie was a porn star. I am so sad now! Thanks, T! Now, I am bummed. (j/k)
Posted by: carolina | April 29, 2009 at 09:07 PM
This post was great! I love the way your little tarts look! Really unique and creative. Good luck with the new camera, too!
Posted by: pamela | April 29, 2009 at 11:24 PM
I'm sorry to hear the sad ending to your very entertaining story. I feel ya on the not being to work out; I hurt my hip last summer and I was very cranky when I couldn't exercise (and eat) as much as I wanted. And the pictures with your new camera are amazing!
Posted by: Margot | April 29, 2009 at 11:45 PM
First of all, they're gorgeous. That's really all that matters. And I used the shortbread tart dough - I couldn't handle all that chocolate. They wre awesome!
Blog is really looking great...
Posted by: macduff | April 30, 2009 at 12:30 PM
Oooooooops! At least you have your new camera to consol you and keep you company in the pantry.
~ingrid
Posted by: ingrid | April 30, 2009 at 02:30 PM
Wow - those pics are incredible! The pictures alone are making me crave chocolate! Thanks for sharing!
Jan ~ Founder, Pantryconnection.com
Posted by: Jan @ Pantry Connection | April 30, 2009 at 03:57 PM
impressive
Posted by: rebecca | April 30, 2009 at 10:56 PM