I don't know why, but life hated me at around 4 pm on Sunday afternoon.
The day started off wonderfully. Kind of. My point and click camera died one long, horrible death due to a fall (aka, I dropped it with the lens zoomed out. Twice) about two weeks ago that has slowly killed it, so I got a new DSLR camera. I was like the kid from A Christmas Story (the one who is now a porn star) getting his BB Gun on Christmas morning. I was just shooting away at things (safely, in this situation), squealing in delight. Jack complained that I was taking too many pictures and the flash was distracting him while he tried to study. I told him about the plight of celebrities. "How do you think they feel with cameras in their faces all day?" I challenged. "Pay me $20 million dollars to work for four months out of the year and you can flash all you want." he retorted.
Touche`.
Excited to have more reasons to take photos, I jumped at the chance to make this tart. I will admit, though, before the new camera, I did not want to make it. I am dessert-ed out. The summer is coming. I have been working out like crazy, only to pull a muscle in my calf and hurt my knee, so I have not been able to work out in days. As my friends on Twitter know, this is killing me. So the last thing I want is chocolate on top of chocolate.
Well, actually it is the first thing I want, but I can't have because I can't workout.
Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? The books where you read a story and you chose the outcome? Like, you could go hiking on a river by turning to page 43 or you could hijack a pirate ship by turning to page 71 and ither way some horrible fate awaits you (who wrote these books)?
That was my life on Sunday.
Regardless, I decided to go for it. Here is my story.
Kim of Scrumptious Photography chose Dorie's Chocolate Cream Tart (click for recipe). Do you: decide not to make it because you don't want to be tempted to eat it (turn to page 2)?
Page 2: Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you decide to make it, but in order not to have a dessert, you quarter the recipe (turn to page 3).
Page 3: You quarter the recipe. The chocolate cream is delicious, but tastes just like chocolate pudding. You are confused. Do you stop while you are ahead (turn to page 4)?
Page 4: You didn't finish the recipe. Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you decide to move ahead and make the chocolate tart crust (turn to page 5)?
Page 5: Don't you know you can't quarter this recipe successfully? The tart shell never comes together. You add water and it comes out gummy and gross. Do you throw it in the garbage and just eat the pudding (turn to page 6)?
Page 6: You didn't finish the recipe. Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you forge ahead, further trying to complicate the recipe and your life (turn to page 7)?
Page 7: To try to do something different, you macerate strawberries with some alcohol and make a chocolate chantilly cream. In your first attempt at making the cream, you over-whip the cream and it coagulates and somehow half of it has the consistency of butter and half of it has somehow not whipped at all and is a milky mess. You try again with better results, but then drop the bowl of whipped cream off of the counter and onto the floor and spill it everywhere. You try again. You temper some chocolate for chocolate disks to top the dessert. You assemble the dessert and top it with the chocolate disks that are rapidly melting due to the 90+ degree weather which has been bestowed upon you in April due to global warming. You take photos as the sun is setting rapidly, knowing that this was not how you wanted it.
Do you take a bite of the dessert, hoping all of the components will work together (turn to page 8)?
Page 8: BLECH! This is horrible! The tart shell is rubbery. The chocolate cream is hidden by your awful tart shell and too much whipped cream. The chocolate disk has melted. You are a horrible baker! You should go hide in a pantry closet and never come out. The end.
Or do you throw in the towel and just throw away the dessert (page 9)?
Page 9: You are still a horrible baker. You should go hide in a pantry closet and never come out. The end.
However, the other people in this group LOVED this dessert, so don't let this discourage you (because it really is supposed to be amazing) and take your own adventure over to TWD's page and check out how it REALLY should be done.
I'll just be in my pantry closet.
Aww, Teanna, come out of the pantry closet. We love you (and your tarts, too!) Maybe I'm not sophisticated, but when that chocolate cream that tasted like pudding got together with the crust and the cream it was synergy.
I identify with being dessert-ed out!
Nancy
Posted by: Nancy | April 28, 2009 at 12:59 AM
Awww, you got a new camera!
I was chocolated out and so I made pecan pie tarts instead (I should have made a burger).
Your chocolate cream tarts look divine and so-so fine!
*I want a camera now, pouting*
Posted by: Sugar B | April 28, 2009 at 01:02 AM
What? You're nuts -- those are absolutely fantastic! A+ for the creativity. They look nothing like a cream tart though - but I think they look even better! Those "tophats" are so unique! I'll take a dozen please! Don't get to upset over the injuries. I ruptured my plantaris tendon 3 weeks ago, so no running for awhile, I feel for you. You'll be more stronger when you're healed, think of it that way. AND you'll have more time to plan/create more masterpieces!
Posted by: mike | April 28, 2009 at 01:06 AM
What camera have you got? Sounds great! Those tarts look wonderful, seriously!
Posted by: deeba | April 28, 2009 at 06:19 AM
I definitely had days like that. But, your tarts look lovely!
Posted by: lisaiscooking | April 28, 2009 at 09:18 AM
Hahahaha this was hilarious! Sorry your tarts didn't work out...at least they look pretty!
Posted by: Rachel | April 28, 2009 at 09:23 AM
You are too funny! The tarts are gorgeous, please come out from hiding:)
Posted by: Maria | April 28, 2009 at 09:26 AM
Thanks for your kind words.. Your photography is pretty stunning yourself. These look incredible! I love the chocolate on top. I can't wait to see your DB cheesecake either :)
Posted by: Elissa | April 28, 2009 at 09:44 AM
The tarts looks really good! I love the strawberries hiding under the flat top of chocolate...to cute!
Posted by: Michelle | April 28, 2009 at 09:44 AM
I am SURPRISED that coffee did not shoot out of my nose while reading this. Are you a writer? If not, you need to be. I'd buy your book.
Effort always counts and let me tell you, your effort was gorgeous! Nice pictures and congrats on the DSLR. I'm so stinkin jealous!
Posted by: Jennifer | April 28, 2009 at 09:49 AM
This post completely owns me. I might have added one other adventure option: Or do you lie to your blog readers and pretend you loved the tarts? (page 12). Page 12: Your blog readers think that your tarts look gorgeous and amazing and would never believe that they didn't taste equally wonderful. The end.
Posted by: Cathy | April 28, 2009 at 10:49 AM
OMG you are hilarious!! That camera takes awesome pictures and you'd never know that there were issues with your recipe :) The disks are so cool!
Posted by: Amanda | April 28, 2009 at 11:15 AM
Congrats on a new camera! Love this post - even if you didn't enjoy your tarts, they still look beautiful! :-)
-Amy
www.singforyoursupperblog.com
Posted by: Amy (Sing for your supper) | April 28, 2009 at 11:48 AM
It all looks so elegant and beautiul. This is why you will NEVER be kicked out of TWD and no one hates you! Really fun to see all your creativity each week.
Posted by: Kayte | April 28, 2009 at 12:25 PM
That was one hilarious post.
Hilarious!
Your pictures are fabulous.
Posted by: chocolatechic | April 28, 2009 at 01:32 PM
I love your post. Too funny. I used to read those books all the time when I was a kid. It frustrated me to no end when I always picked the adventure that killed me. You must be a very patient person to make whipped cream three times. I would be in tears in a heap in the corner of the pantry screaming about how the whipped cream doesn't love me. Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: Kim | April 28, 2009 at 01:39 PM
Oh no! You are a trooper. I would have quit for sure after the whipped cream spillage.
Posted by: Sara | April 28, 2009 at 01:43 PM
D'oh! Sorry you had problems... but they do look gorgeous! :) Congrats on the new camera and hope your knee heals up fast!!
Posted by: kim | April 28, 2009 at 03:04 PM
Hmmm... well, at least your photos are nice! And congrats on the new camera. I am so jealous!
Posted by: Jennifer | April 28, 2009 at 03:28 PM
At least you got a new camera and some beautiful pictures! Your tarts *look* great.
Posted by: Mary | April 28, 2009 at 03:28 PM