TWD: True Life: I'm the World's Worst Shiksa

I really thought nothing would look worse than the werewolf.

I am a Catholic girl of Italian and Trinidadian descent who hails from Franklin Square, NY (Long Island). My boyfriend is a good Jewish boy from Short Hills, NJ.  He is obsessed with anything Italian and for the first few years of our relationship, insisted that I teach him how to speak Italian by helping him read Harry Potter in Italian and translating it into English. Sounds like fun, no? It wasn't. BUT we did live in Rome for a few months and that was fun.

I myself have tried to learn about the Jewish traditions. I am from Long Island. I went to Syracuse University.  I was in a sorority that was founded by 7 Jewish women (Sigma Delta Tau). I can recite the prayer for wine by heart, and often do it at religious dinners like a one-trick pony. Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam borei p'ri ha gafen.

I even learned how to make a sick pumpkin challah bread (or, as my college roommates and I like to say, "CHALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" (like "Holla!")). I was totally initiated.

Well, I've just lost my card. I've been kicked out of the shiksa club for this horrible attempt at Rugelach, a jewish pastry, chosen by Piggy of Piggy's Cooking Journal. You know what? I've actually been kicked out of the Manhattanite Club, the Long Islander Club AND the Shiksa Club.  

I was so psyched for this. I decided to make caramel apple pie rugelach. I diced up a pink lady apple, added a dash of cinnamon here, a pinch of nutmeg there. I whipped up some of Dorie's fabulous caramel sauce from the not-so-fabulous carmel topped peanut brownie cake. I sprinkled it with walnuts. My dough came together beautifully (I'm getting really good with dough. Thanks, TWD!).

Now it was time to roll it up. I stared at this thing for ten minutes. I envisioned the path in which I would roll this dough. I just couldn't see it. So I went for it. And this is what happened. 

As Kyle's Mom would say (from South Park) Wha- Wha- Whaaaaat?!?!?

If I had more time, I would make it again. But alas, here I sit at 11 pm on Monday night, totally not in the mood to make more rugelach. But let me tell you this. These tasted AWESOME. Crappy looks or not, it all looks the same in my belly.

Parents. Let me do you a little favor. If you ever want to show your children the repercussions of procrastination, please show them this:

Or this:

Or worse, this:

That should scare them right into their homework and chores.

Hopefully, the rest of the TWDer's faired better than I. Check them out! And then go VOTE!

Oh, and for those who read my Chucky pumpkin carving post (scroll down 1 post), I won the contest!!!  It makes me feel like I haven't lost all artistic ability! 

Comments

[Rebecca]

That caramel sauce has some seriously bad mojo. And I still love the werewolf.

[Em]

I had so much trouble also - I totally feel your pain. I was up last night too. Eh, some weeks with TwD just turn out that way :)

[Libby]

From a Jew to a fellow baker: you cannot get kicked out of the club for (admittedly) funny looking rugelach. You get kicked out if you a) don't know what rugelach is, b) can't pronounce the "ch", or c) buy a bag of arugula and call it a Jewish Pastry Salad.

Otherwise, you're still honorary chosen. ;)

[Lisa magicsprinkles]

Chha ha ha llllah - rolls off the uvula like Mt. Wannahockalugie in Finding Nemo. Mine looked like bad but tasted like good like yours did.

[peggy]

You are so cute in your writing. Doesn't matter what it looks like if it tastes good!

[Michele]

Awww! I'm sorry you had a hard time. At least they tasted good.

[Maria]

I love your posts!! I am sure they taste awesome!

[Prudence]

OMG!! Lol... SO funny!! Holla!! They still look like they tasted good!!

[Nancy (n.o.e.)]

Loved your post! I'm a fellow Catholic who grew up in a very Jewish town. I worked for a Conservative family for years, and kept Kosher there, etc. It seems to me that if you can make killer challah, nobody is going to kick you out for homely rugelach.

And did I see you say you "whipped up" that caramel sauce? That stuff gave me gray hairs.

[Elizabeth - Cake or Death?]

Hee hee. I don't mean to laugh at your misfortune, but I did enjoy your post and pictures. On the bright side, the flavors sound amazing, and you'll totally be ready to improve on them next time, right??

[Mari]

Girl, you know you overfilled your rugelach...LOL! But the filling sounds divine! I promise you if you go lighter on the fillings next time, they'll turn out just fine. Thanks for the laugh though, as per usual. You may have missed your calling as a comedienne.

[LyB]

Yay! for the Chucky pumpkin! Your combination of flavor for the rugelach sounds de-li-cious! Looks be damned. :)

[Cakelaw]

LOL - I think most people, including me, found this dough difficult to work with. The caramel apple idea is a stunner - I was much less inventive.

[Matt]

Forget about the rugelach. Just remember that amazing challah you made!

[Moncler outlet]

Your article is one of the most classical style, when I read once, I have been deeply in love with them, you look forward to more perfect work.

[Moncler online shop]

Your article is too interesting, I was deeply attracted to your work, let people indulge in pleasures without stop I enjoy your articles

[moncler jacken]

I have read your article, I love them so much I will put your webpage is saved, they are really very good.