TWD: True Life: I'm the World's Worst Shiksa

I really thought nothing would look worse than the werewolf.

I am a Catholic girl of Italian and Trinidadian descent who hails from Franklin Square, NY (Long Island). My boyfriend is a good Jewish boy from Short Hills, NJ.  He is obsessed with anything Italian and for the first few years of our relationship, insisted that I teach him how to speak Italian by helping him read Harry Potter in Italian and translating it into English. Sounds like fun, no? It wasn't. BUT we did live in Rome for a few months and that was fun.

I myself have tried to learn about the Jewish traditions. I am from Long Island. I went to Syracuse University.  I was in a sorority that was founded by 7 Jewish women (Sigma Delta Tau). I can recite the prayer for wine by heart, and often do it at religious dinners like a one-trick pony. Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam borei p'ri ha gafen.

I even learned how to make a sick pumpkin challah bread (or, as my college roommates and I like to say, "CHALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" (like "Holla!")). I was totally initiated.

Well, I've just lost my card. I've been kicked out of the shiksa club for this horrible attempt at Rugelach, a jewish pastry, chosen by Piggy of Piggy's Cooking Journal. You know what? I've actually been kicked out of the Manhattanite Club, the Long Islander Club AND the Shiksa Club.  

I was so psyched for this. I decided to make caramel apple pie rugelach. I diced up a pink lady apple, added a dash of cinnamon here, a pinch of nutmeg there. I whipped up some of Dorie's fabulous caramel sauce from the not-so-fabulous carmel topped peanut brownie cake. I sprinkled it with walnuts. My dough came together beautifully (I'm getting really good with dough. Thanks, TWD!).

Now it was time to roll it up. I stared at this thing for ten minutes. I envisioned the path in which I would roll this dough. I just couldn't see it. So I went for it. And this is what happened. 

As Kyle's Mom would say (from South Park) Wha- Wha- Whaaaaat?!?!?

If I had more time, I would make it again. But alas, here I sit at 11 pm on Monday night, totally not in the mood to make more rugelach. But let me tell you this. These tasted AWESOME. Crappy looks or not, it all looks the same in my belly.

Parents. Let me do you a little favor. If you ever want to show your children the repercussions of procrastination, please show them this:

Or this:

Or worse, this:

That should scare them right into their homework and chores.

Hopefully, the rest of the TWDer's faired better than I. Check them out! And then go VOTE!

Oh, and for those who read my Chucky pumpkin carving post (scroll down 1 post), I won the contest!!!  It makes me feel like I haven't lost all artistic ability! 

Comments

[Mike]

I envy the baker that can make rugelach and make it not look like shit. I agree that it tastes pretty good, though. Caramel apple is a perfect variation for the type of weather I'm having up in here.

Loved your pumpkin, by the way. Just watched those movies for the first time this year. I'm running out of franchises, and pretty soon I'll have to resort to October viewings of the Hellraiser series or something else wholly second-tier.

[Caitlin]

Haha - well, as long as they tasted good? I always have trouble rolling them crescent-style, so I just cheat and make them into pinwheels :) Your filling sounds wonderful though!

[Jules]

You crack me up. I think that if you survived SDT, no one can take that card away. You'll just have to try it again.

[chocolatechic]

Oh...but how do they taste?

Shape can be forgiven, but the taste....did they taste good?

[Melissa]

Sorry you got kicked out of the club!! At least they tasted yummy!

[HoneyB]

Congrats on winning the contest! :)

I only live a couple hours from Syracuse University!

[April B]

You never cease to make me laugh on Tuesdays. Who cares what they look like, as long as they tasted good!

[Spike.]

Ha! your post reminded me of when my old neighbor called me a Baleboosteh because I baked so often and liked to make rugelach for my roommate. As long as it tastes good, who cares what it looks like!

[Amy (Sing for your supper)]

LOL!! The taste is all that matters! Your mouth doesn't know the difference, right? ;-)

[Cathy]

Your post reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte converts to Judaism: "Hi Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?" Okay, surely you won't be kicked out of the club just based on rugelach LOOKS, will you? I think you get to keep your membeship based on effort alone! And like you said, it's ALL the same in your belly. I bet that they were delicious!

[kim]

haha, love the title ;) it doesn't matter what they look like, it's all about the taste!! btw next time i am just going to cut into rectangles and roll them up like that. way easier ;) congrats on the contest!

[Megan]

I'm a nice half-Sicilian Catholic girl born in upstate New York who married a nice Jewish boy - and I only just learned how to make Rugelach within the past year.

Congrats on winning with Chucky! It was too cool!

[CB]

Caramel apple rugelach?? ::drooool:: I bet that tasted amazing! Makes me almost wanna try to make these suckers again... almost. Honestly I think your werewolf is awesome. ;)
Clara @ iheartfood4thought

[Beth]

That's okay - we love shiksas! And I'm going to have to try that pumpkin challah recipe! I'm a fellow TWD baker, and I was thinking that it would be nice if we all could chip in and get Laurie some small token/gift for all the work she does. Would you be willing to contribute? If I can get enough people, it would only be about $1 per person. No pressure :-) Let me know! [email protected]

[Michelle]

Im glad they tasted good. I love the caramel apple idea..yum!

[Kayte]

I am still laughing...you are so funny. Okay, this might have not been your BEST effort, but it was EFFORT! Am sure the boyfriend still thinks you have great potential...am sure you will look back on this someday and laugh because you will have perfected it by then. Very fun post...you are always a good read.

[Kait]

Aww :( Well I'm glad they tasted good. Your ingredient ideas are awesome.

[Sugar B]

OMG what is that? HAHAHA! Love it.

[Linda]

LOL!!! You totally crack me up! :) Love the caramel apple filling idea!

[Di]

Great post! Hey, as long as they taste good, that's the important thing. Of course, that's coming from someone who obsesses over how everything looks... =)