Picking A Good Restaurant

Real Simple Magazine's blog, "Simply Stated" has a feature today about picking a good restaurant. She speaks about a lunch date she had with David Gelin, whose has a book called BBQ Joints: Stories and Secret Recipes from the Barbeque Belt . Now, I don't travel down South much (living in Virginia is odd enough for me as it is), but I thought this may be interesting. The writer states that his criteria for picking a good restaurant from a bad restaurant (when down south)goes as follows:

GOOD:

The bread is bleached, white, and flavorless (ummm???)
The name of the restaurant has a person's name and "derivation of the word barbecue". (You're losing me.)
The restaurant has a photo of a character from Hee-Haw (TOTALLY LOST ME.)

BAD:

The restaurant has items on the menu like "riblets" (What is wrong with riblets?)
The server brings you moist towlettes (Really? That's bad? Are you sure this isn't flipped around?)

I may not understand this (nor agree), but I know my criteria for good/bad restaurants.

GOOD:

The bread is crisp on the outside, soft on the inside.
A server comes up to your table within 1 minute of being seated (I'm impatient). Drinks within 5 minutes.
Locals.
Interesting, organic decoration (not organic like "green"- although that is good,too- but organic as in "not forced").

BAD:

Any restaurant with "Bros." in the title. I refuse. It's a restaurant, not a plumber.
Tourists. (Sorry.)
Anything where something is misspelled on the menu. (ie: Grilled Zuckini with portabella mushroom. I'm not making that up, either).