Bob Ross is a dirty liar.
He was a man who painted pretty pictures with sprawling mountains, lush green plains, and "happy clouds".
"Happy Clouds" my a**.
There is no such thing as a happy cloud. There are bitter clouds. Angry clouds. Clouds that have kidnapped my sun. They have taken the sun hostage along the eastern seaboard. The sun has not come out for days. Weeks even. Months, it feels like.
In elementary school, we used to sing a song that went a little something like this:
Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun
Won't you please shine down on me?
Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun
Won't you please shine down on
Please shine down on
Please shine down on me.
I have been singing this song as I do my own little "Sun Dance". It is miserable. Depressing. Frustrating.
Don't be fooled. It may be sunny today, but the next 10 days are predicted to be nothing but rain clouds. RAIN CLOUDS.
The only thing to compliment the bitterness that I feel is Dorie's Tartest Lemon Tart, chosen by Babette of Babette Feasts (click for recipe). This is the type of tart that makes you pucker your lips and contort your face into all different manners. But this tart lemon tart actually has done something amazing for me.
It has brought a little sunlight into my life. It was as if Dorie and knew that around April/May, the rogue clouds would steal my sun and terrorize my life, so they invented/chose this tart to pick up my spirits a bit. Tart. Sweet. Delicious.
Seriously. Amazingly delicious. I know the recipe called for the entire lemon to be pureed into the mixture, but I read too many complaints of a bitter flavor due to the pith, and the only lemons I could find were standard lemons with thick piths. Therefore, I peeled off the zest, and added that, along with the entire lemons after I removed the pith. And WOW. This was AMAZING. Sweet. Tart (but not too much so). A creamy, lemon curd filling nuzzled a crisp, sweet crust. Jack actually has forbidden me from taking this tart to share with my coworkers.
In addition to this, I have decided to take Dorie's Floating Islands and fill them with a delicious lemon curd from leftover filling. These Floating Islands are a metaphor for the evil clouds swallowing my sun. However, in my scenario, I am able to take a delicious bite out of these clouds and let the sun free from its shackles.
This is my weapon against evil, evil clouds. Bob Ross, may you rest in peace, but I know you're in on this. You've tried to change the psyche of people interested in painting everywhere by trying to convince us that clouds are our friends. They are not. But this tart is. My new best friend.
You can have your clouds, Mr. Ross. I'll slice myself a piece of this tart and dream of the day that the sun comes to shine down on me. In the meantime, check out TWD for more of this glorious cloud-fighter.
UPDATE: As I read through the TWD posts, I have noticed that most of these tarts had a filling that was supposed to bubble while cooking, then have a beautiful golden top and a sugary crust and that there were supposed to be almonds in the crust. None of this happened for me - the clouds have won yet again.