I don't know why, but life hated me at around 4 pm on Sunday afternoon.
The day started off wonderfully. Kind of. My point and click camera died one long, horrible death due to a fall (aka, I dropped it with the lens zoomed out. Twice) about two weeks ago that has slowly killed it, so I got a new DSLR camera. I was like the kid from A Christmas Story (the one who is now a porn star) getting his BB Gun on Christmas morning. I was just shooting away at things (safely, in this situation), squealing in delight. Jack complained that I was taking too many pictures and the flash was distracting him while he tried to study. I told him about the plight of celebrities. "How do you think they feel with cameras in their faces all day?" I challenged. "Pay me $20 million dollars to work for four months out of the year and you can flash all you want." he retorted.
Excited to have more reasons to take photos, I jumped at the chance to make this tart. I will admit, though, before the new camera, I did not want to make it. I am dessert-ed out. The summer is coming. I have been working out like crazy, only to pull a muscle in my calf and hurt my knee, so I have not been able to work out in days. As my friends on Twitter know, this is killing me. So the last thing I want is chocolate on top of chocolate.
Well, actually it is the first thing I want, but I can't have because I can't workout.
Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? The books where you read a story and you chose the outcome? Like, you could go hiking on a river by turning to page 43 or you could hijack a pirate ship by turning to page 71 and ither way some horrible fate awaits you (who wrote these books)?
That was my life on Sunday.
Regardless, I decided to go for it. Here is my story.
Kim of Scrumptious Photography chose Dorie's Chocolate Cream Tart (click for recipe). Do you: decide not to make it because you don't want to be tempted to eat it (turn to page 2)?
Page 2: Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you decide to make it, but in order not to have a dessert, you quarter the recipe (turn to page 3).
Page 3: You quarter the recipe. The chocolate cream is delicious, but tastes just like chocolate pudding. You are confused. Do you stop while you are ahead (turn to page 4)?
Page 4: You didn't finish the recipe. Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you decide to move ahead and make the chocolate tart crust (turn to page 5)?
Page 5: Don't you know you can't quarter this recipe successfully? The tart shell never comes together. You add water and it comes out gummy and gross. Do you throw it in the garbage and just eat the pudding (turn to page 6)?
Page 6: You didn't finish the recipe. Everyone from Tuesdays with Dorie hates you. You are kicked out of the group. The end.
Or do you forge ahead, further trying to complicate the recipe and your life (turn to page 7)?
Page 7: To try to do something different, you macerate strawberries with some alcohol and make a chocolate chantilly cream. In your first attempt at making the cream, you over-whip the cream and it coagulates and somehow half of it has the consistency of butter and half of it has somehow not whipped at all and is a milky mess. You try again with better results, but then drop the bowl of whipped cream off of the counter and onto the floor and spill it everywhere. You try again. You temper some chocolate for chocolate disks to top the dessert. You assemble the dessert and top it with the chocolate disks that are rapidly melting due to the 90+ degree weather which has been bestowed upon you in April due to global warming. You take photos as the sun is setting rapidly, knowing that this was not how you wanted it.
Do you take a bite of the dessert, hoping all of the components will work together (turn to page 8)?
Page 8: BLECH! This is horrible! The tart shell is rubbery. The chocolate cream is hidden by your awful tart shell and too much whipped cream. The chocolate disk has melted. You are a horrible baker! You should go hide in a pantry closet and never come out. The end.
Or do you throw in the towel and just throw away the dessert (page 9)?
Page 9: You are still a horrible baker. You should go hide in a pantry closet and never come out. The end.
However, the other people in this group LOVED this dessert, so don't let this discourage you (because it really is supposed to be amazing) and take your own adventure over to TWD's page and check out how it REALLY should be done.
I'll just be in my pantry closet.