Spork or Foon?

NO TWD por DOS SEMANAS!

Sorry, guys, I wanted to make the Butterscotch Pudding and the Cheesecake (believe you me, I WILL be making that cheesecake when I return), but I couldn't for two reasons.

Reason #1 -Christmas has consumed my life.  I am a slave to baking and commercialism.

Reason #2 -  I'm off to San Juan, Puerto Rico on Thursday for a little over a week!  So, while everyone is freezing their little toesies (yes, I said toesies and I hope you will too) off, I'll be sipping some sort of alcoholic beverage on the beach and by the pool and eating lots and lots of pork products. 

I also think I'll play a little game and see how many people start speaking to me in Spanish because I am ethnically ambiguous. I have been practicing my accent when I say "Yo no hablo espanol". It always gives me a little chuckle. 

I'll return January 3rd a little tanner (biracial people tan, too!), a little more relaxed and maybe five pounds heavier. But I really hope not. 

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year! 

 

 

My hotel. I don't know if I'll ever leave.

Apple Crumb Pie

My family has a German Shorthaired Pointer. His name is DeNiro. He is 9 years old. 

Throughout his life, DeNiro has been known to steal food from places. Left a jumbo-sized bag of Twizzlers on the bed?  Sorry, Twizzlers are his favorite.  Did someone eat half a tray of cookies on the dining room table in 15 minutes?  DeNiro!  Havea box of Lucky Charms lying around?  Don't be surprised if you find rainbow colored poop in the backyard.  I'm sorry, did you want that half of a sandwich that you left on the counter?

But this time, DeNiro crossed a line. He brought a new meaning to the term "crumb snatcher". 

On Thanksgiving, as I was prepping my food, I prepared crumble topping and, for some reason, inadvertently left the bowl on a dresser in the guest room down the hall from the kitchen.  I was in the kitchen preparing the rest of our massive dinner and catching up with my cousins.  I prepared the rest of the pie, and when I went to retrieve the crumbs, they were gone. Not only were they gone, but the bowl was shining from being licked clean.

There were two possible suspects.  My dog, an Australian Shepherd named Remy (who never steals food unless it is salmon) and DeNiro, the notorious food theif.  My boyfriend did a breath check. Remy's smelled like fish (like usual, unfortunately).  DeNiro's smelled like cinnamon and sugar he had an oddly happy look on his face.

Case closed. 

I love making this Apple Crumb Pie. It is my father's favorite dessert and I try to make it for him whenever I get the chance.  Pre-cooking the apples with the cider and applesauce really give this filling a fantastic texture. I use Dorie Greenspan's pie crust recipe and omit the nuts from the topping.

What can I say? The dog has good taste.

Recipe adapted from Dorie Greenspan and Epicurious

FOR A 9" SINGLE CRUST:
1 1⁄2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tbsp. sugar
3⁄4 tsp. salt
1⁄4 sticks (10 tbsp.) very cold (frozen is fine) unsalted 
   butter, cut into tbsp.-size pieces
2 1⁄2 tbsp. very cold (frozen is even better) vegetable 
   shortening, cut into 2 pieces

For the crust: 

Put flour, sugar, and salt into a food processor; pulse to combine. Drop in butter and shortening; pulse to cut into flour. What you're aiming for is to have some pieces the size of fat green peas and others the size of barley. Pulsing, gradually add about 3 tbsp. ice water—add a little water and pulse once, add some more water, pulse again; keep going that way. Then use a few long pulses to get water into flour. If, after a dozen or so pulses, the dough doesn't look evenly moistened, pulse in up to 1 tbsp. more ice water, to get a dough that will stick together when pinched. Shape dough into a disk; wrap in plastic. Refrigerate 1 hour.

Filling

• 3 3/4 pounds Granny Smith apples (about 10 medium), peeled, cored, thickly sliced
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
• 2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons apple cider
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1/4 cup applesauce

Topping

• 3/4 cup all purpose flour
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
• 3/4 cup chopped walnuts
• 6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
•   

• For filling:
  Toss apples and lemon juice in medium bowl. Melt butter in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Stir in sugar and cinnamon. Add apples; sauté until coated with cinnamon butter and crisp-tender, about 5 minutes. Whisk cider and cornstarch in small bowl. Add to apples. Bring to boil, stirring constantly. Transfer apple mixture to large bowl. Mix in applesauce. Cool completely. (Crust and filling can be made 1 day ahead. Cover crust; let stand at room temperature. Cover and chill filling.)

  For topping:
  Preheat oven to 350°F. Using fingertips, rub all ingredients in bowl until moist clumps form.

  Place filling in crust. Sprinkle topping over apples. Bake until topping is golden brown, about 40 minutes. 

TWD: Scottles of Botch.

Parents, if you children are anywhere near the computer while reading this post, I suggest you have them turn away now.

Are they gone? OK.

You want to know when I first discovered that Santa Claus didn't really exist and the man that was eating the cookies by the fireplace was, in fact, my own father?

When my father suggested that instead of leaving cookies and milk for Santa by the fireplace, we leave a glass of Dewars and water and some carrots.

I don't know know if I was scarred, hopeful that Santa woulnd't actually polish of some scotch and then fly around the skies drunkenly in his sleigh, or relieved that there actually wasn't any strnager trying to shimmy himself down my narrow chimney trekking soot and ash through my house, because, frankly, any other day of the year, that would be considered breaking and entering. 

Regardless, from then on, I actually humored my father and left him some scotch and "not cookies" every year. The scotch would usually be polished off and my father would wake up a little groggier and slightly cranky.

The point to that story? Well, these "not cookies" would fit perfectly into that equation, because, seriously, what are these? They're not cookies. They are not scones. They are not biscuits. They're like a  hybrid of the three. Cookonuit (pronounced cook- oh-nuts).

But apparently, Dorie is pretty liberal when it comes to the definition of a cookie.

I made two batches. The first, to be honest, I messed up. But it turned out to be a good mistake, because I actually LOVED these. I ended up overbeating the sugar, butter and eggs until it was a very silky texture and I added more preserves than the recipe called for. I never got that "curdled" look that Dorie mentioned.  Therefore, my batter never got thick - it looked more like icing then a cookie batter. So I got these:

And they were delicious! I used raspberry preserves and the flavor really came through. They basically came out like muffin tops but in cookie form and extremely light and fluffy.  I was very happy with my mistake.

Then I tried it again to see what Dorie's version would come out like. I got the curdle (yum) and the thick batter and the consistency came out just right. But I found that these were extremely bland. The flavor of the jam hardly came through at all with this batch.  The texture was great - confusing, but great - but I had to make a lemon glaze to put over the top to amp up the flavor (which worked - after that, these were fantastic).

So... could it be? I actually did something better than Dorie? Ha Ha! Merry Christmas To Me!

Check out TWD for some more cookonuits!

Late TWD: Linzer Sables

I won't bore you with my ramblings on how AMAZING these little Linzer Sables are because I'm sure you've seen them all over the food blogosphere (wow, I said that I would NEVER use that word again), including Tastespotting and Food Gawker (and until they cut me some slack on some photos that I submit, I shall not link to them! Take that!). I'm feeling unbelievably lazy concise today, so I'll just sum it up quickly.

These cookies are so interesting and I will make them again and again, you mark my words. Mark them!

Perfectly soft with just a little crunch around the ends, amped up with wintery spices like cloves and cinnamon and filled with just the right amound of jam do a delicious cookie make.

So please, make these. You can thank me later.

And seriously, who am I kidding? My pictures are crap.  Santa, please bring me a Nikon D40. I'm sorry for calling you a crabby old man.

For the full recipe, check out Dennis over at Living the Life!

Pumpkin Ice Cream Pie with Chocolate Almond Bark and Toffee Sauce

This was probably the hit of the night on Thanksgiving and will make it onto my Thanksgiving Menu for all of eternity. I couldn't get a good photo of this if my life depended on it, but let's say that this pie is not only one of the easiest things I have ever made ie, but one of the best ice cream cakes I have ever eaten.  

Go on. Just say it.  You won't be wrong.

Via Epicurious

Crust:

              12 whole graham crackers (about 7 ounces)
      1/4 cup sugar
      7 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Filling:

·            1 cup canned pure pumpkin
·         3/4 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
·         1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
·         1 teaspoon vanilla extract
·         1/2 teaspoon ground ginger (I quadrupled this)
·         1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon (Again, quadrupled)
·         1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg (Doubled)
·         1/4 teaspoon ground allspice (Quadrupled)
·         1/4 teaspoon salt
·         2 quarts premium vanilla ice cream

Bark, sauce, and topping: (Don't skip out on the sauce! It is amazing!)

·          Nonstick vegetable oil spray
·         6 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped
·         1/2 cup slivered almonds, toasted, coarsely chopped
·         1 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
·         1/4 cup dark corn syrup
·         3 tablespoons water
·          3 tablespoons unsalted butter
·          2 cups chilled heavy whipping cream, divided
·          1 teaspoon vanilla extract
·          1/8 teaspoon salt
·            2 tablespoons sugar

 Preparation

For crust:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Finely grind graham crackers in processor. Mix in sugar. Add butter; mix to blend. Press onto bottom and up sides of 10-inch-diameter glass pie dish. Bake until light brown around edges, about 12 minutes. Cool completely.

For filling:
Whisk first 9 ingredients in medium bowl. Slightly soften ice cream in microwave in 10-second intervals. Measure 1 cup ice cream; cover and freeze (reserve for another use). Spoon remaining ice cream into large bowl. Working quickly, add pumpkin mixture and fold just until swirled into ice cream (do not blend completely). If ice cream begins to melt, freeze until almost firm. Spoon ice cream filling into cooled crust, cover with plastic, and freeze until firm, at least 6 hours. DO AHEAD:Can be made 2 days ahead. Keep frozen.

For bark, sauce, and topping:
Line baking sheet with parchment paper; spray with nonstick spray. Stir chocolate in bowl set over saucepan of simmering water until melted and smooth. Pour onto baking sheet. Using offset spatula, spread chocolate in even layer into 12x9-inch rectangle. Sprinkle with nuts. Place in freezer until hard, at least 30 minutes. Invert onto work surface. Peel off paper. Coarsely chop. Place DO AHEAD:Chocolate-almond bark can be made 2 days ahead. Keep frozen.

Bring brown sugar, corn syrup, 3 tablespoons water, and butter to boil in heavy medium saucepan, stirring until butter melts and sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to medium and boil until dark brown, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes. Carefully stir in 1/2 cup cream, vanilla, and salt (mixture will bubble vigorously). Boil 1 minute longer. Cool slightly. DO AHEAD: Sauce can be made 2 days ahead. Cover and chill. Rewarm before serving.

Using electric mixer, beat 1 1/2 cups cream and 2 tablespoons sugar in medium bowl until peaks form. Spoon decoratively over pie. Sprinkle chocolate-almond bark over. Cut pie into wedges and serve, passing warm sauce alongside.

Butterhorn Rolls

Pillsbury, you've got some competition.

These light, butter rolls are quite easy to put together. Soft and fluffy, these are a perfect accoutrement to any dinner.

And seroiusly, who doesn't love an accoutrement every now and again?

Recipe Via Saveur

MAKES 32 

These rolls, from How America Eats (Scribner's, 1960) by Clementine Paddleford, one of America's most influential food writers, were originally made for the guests of a Kansas ranching family.

3⁄4 cup milk 
1⁄2 cup vegetable shortening, melted 
1⁄2cup sugar 
1 tsp. salt (Ed note: I will add another 1 tsp the next time I make these)
1  7-gram package active dry yeast 
3 eggs, beaten 
4 1⁄2 cups sifted flour 
3 tbsp. butter, melted 

1. Scald milk by heating in a small saucepan over medium heat until bubbles appear around inside edge of pan and milk is about to boil. Pour scalded milk into a large mixing bowl. Add shortening, sugar, and salt, stir until sugar dissolves, then set aside to cool until lukewarm, about 2 minutes. Meanwhile, dissolve yeast in 1/4 cup warm water in a small bowl and set aside until foamy, about 10 minutes.

2. Add eggs and yeast mixture to milk mixture in bowl and stir with a wooden spoon until well combined. Gradually add flour, stirring until dough comes together. Turn dough out onto a floured surface and knead until smooth, about 10 minutes. Shape dough into a ball and lightly dust with flour. Transfer dough to a large clean bowl, cover with a clean, damp kitchen towel or plastic wrap, and set in a warm spot to let rise until doubled in bulk, about 1 hour.

3. Lightly grease two baking sheets with some of the butter and set aside. Turn dough out onto a clean surface, divide in half, then shape each piece of dough into a ball. Roll dough balls out into 14" circles, then brush each with melted butter, and cut each circle into sixteenths, making 32 wedges in all. Starting with rounded edge and working toward pointed end, roll up each wedge. Arrange rolled dough wedges, pointed-end side facing down to keep wedge from unrolling, on prepared baking sheets about 2" apart. Brush tops and sides with some of the remaining butter, loosely cover with a clean, damp kitchen towel or plastic wrap, and set aside in a warm spot to let rise for 45 minutes.

4. Preheat oven to 350°. Bake rolls until golden brown and hollow sounding when tapped, about 25 minutes. Set rolls aside to cool for at least 15 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

TWD: I Have Far Too Much Time on My Hands.

I didn't have to travel to New York this weekend. Although I love going back every weekend because I miss NY more than life itself, traveling from DC to NY once weekly really can kick the crap out of someone. Namely, me.

Therefore, I had a whole weekend with NOTHING. TO. DO.  Seriously. I was going stir crazy. I spent far too much time at the gym. I decorated my apartment for Christmas and Hannukah. And I made my boyfriend watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for the first time in his life.

Now, I haven't seen Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in years. I never really noticed it when I was younger, but this cartoon is kind of messed up.  My boyfriend put it perfectly (parents, please shield your children's eyes if they are reading this):

"Santa's a d*ck."

And he IS! He is so mean to the elves and reindeer! He's a cranky old man! The elves sang a beautiful carol for him. "Needs work", Santa huffed. Rudolph's faux black nose fell off. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Donner", he scolded. Because he had a child with a deformity! That wouldn't fly in today's world!

And since when is Donner Rudolph's dad? What's going on there?

I had to turn it off. I was almost scarred. It reminded me of the feeling I got when I found out all of the people who animated Disney cartoon's put sexually suggestive innuendos throughout their drawings.

I needed something to calm my nerves and restore my faith in Christmas again. I decided that it was the perfect time to bake up this week's TWD recipe - Grandma's All Occasion Sugar Cookies. And then I proceeded slather them with tinted royal icing while making a mess of my kitchen because I think I'm the pastry painter's Van Gogh.

The cookies were absolutely delicious. Ulrike of Kuchenlatein picked a winner.  Light, buttery, soft and sugary. No problems there. But the paintings? Well. Normally, I am a very artistic person. I draw. I play the piano. I act. But paint, I do not. So please excuse the fact that these look like they were painted by a 6 year old.

You know what, though? I'm kind of proud. For my first foray into cookie painting, I think I did alright (don't laugh).

Maybe if Santa found these under the tree, he'd lighten up a bit, no?

Check out TWD for some more fabulous sugar cookies! 

Sweet Potatoes Casserole with a Cashew and Maple Streusel Topping

I only have a few words for this dish. This is the best sweet potato dish in the history of man. And if any men from history tell you otherwise, they are lying.

I can't even express how absolutely amazing this dish is. Filled with fall spices,sweet and salty, soft and crunchy. It runs the gamut of pure awesomeness. Yes, that's right. Awesomeness.

I couldn't even get a photo of what the inside looked like, because after this photo, I proceeded to dive into this face first. There was no turning back.

Via Saveur

SERVES 8 – 10

This recipe was given to SAVEUR's assistant test kitchen director, Ben Mims, by his aunt Barbara Jane Busick, a home cook in Brandon, Mississippi.

4 lbs. sweet potatoes
1⁄2 cup evaporated milk
1⁄2 cup sugar
6 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1⁄2 tsp. kosher salt
1⁄2 tsp. ground allspice
2 eggs, beaten
3⁄4 cup roasted salted cashews
1⁄2 cup light brown sugar
3 tbsp. flour
2 cups mini marshmallows

1. Heat oven to 400°. Place sweet potatoes on a parchment paper–lined baking sheet; bake until soft, about 1 1⁄2 hours. Let cool.

2. Reduce oven temperature to 350°. Peel potatoes; pass them through a food mill into a bowl. Whisk in evaporated milk, sugar, 4 tbsp. of the butter, vanilla extract, salt, allspice, and eggs. Transfer to a 2-qt. oval baking dish.

3. In a food processor, pulse together cashews, brown sugar, flour, and remaining 2 tbsp. of butter until coarsely ground. Crumble cashew mixture over half of casserole; top other half with marshmallows. Bake until marshmallows are golden brown, about 30 minutes.

Please Help Me De-Clutter My Life! (And My Inbox)

OK. So we all go through it. We're browsing online and a stumble across a delicious recipe.  "I have to make this this weekend!" you think to yourself.

Thanks to the powers that be, namely the geniuses behind the whole Web 2.0 phenomenon, you click the little envelope and send it. To me, from me. Done.

Do you ever cook it? Noooooooooooo. It just sits there in your inbox, taking up virtual space. Often times, I don't even write a subject, so I don't know what the email is all about. 

I have over 200 messages in my inbox titled "No Subject" from Teanna DiMicco. And who is to blame? Well, namely, I would like to blame Tastespotting, Food Gawker, Yum Sugar, Gourmet.com, Bon Appetit.com, Epicurious.com, Martha Stewart.com, Food and Wine (Magazine).com, The Kitchn, Saveur.com, Cooking Light.com.... the list goes on and on.  But who is really to blame?

Me. For being a lazy ass. And not cooking what I intended to. And mainly, not giving my emails titles.

How do you all save your recipes? Not only from the interweb, but from any cooking magazines that you subscribe to? I, myself, subscribe to them all (I am not kidding).  And I save them in a butlery in my kitchen, organized by date. But I hardly ever check back to all of the recipes that I have doggie-eared over the years. And I hardly ever sort through my emails.

Help me. Someone. 

Fake Eggs in Sausage Form.

People. People. People.

Seriously.

Not only is Paula Deen trying to kill us all, but so are the makers of this abomination. 

Makes you think twice about topping off your salad with that hard boiled from the salad bar, no?

*Evil Laugh*